CUT!!!

pic by Mal Rasurado click the pic to see in flickr

Chewing gum and bitter coffee didnt go well. Chewing loses its point and he never could see a point in coffee. It had been two days since he had given up on smoking or rather it had been other way round. He was without a paise to his name. He always wondered why he had a foolish pride? What good was it? He hadnt eaten for nearly five days but atleast he had beedis for three of them. It wasnt as if he was going crazy without a stub at his lips it was just that he didnt have nothing to distract him with and slowly hunger was gnawing at him. The chewing gum was the last of what he had picked of from his publishers office when three days ago and it finally dissolved in his mouth with the coffee. The publisher had warned him yet again to turn in the manuscript of a novel he had no inclination to complete. He wanted to kill the characters in a brutal massacre but he had just been sitting in front of his comp since he had returned.
He moved only to delete the four hundred pages he had written word by word, character by character. Chewing on the gum and halting when his jaw could take no more only to resume instantly. The coffee mug which he had picked to spit the gum in went to his lips unconsciously and he tasted some really old coffee and gulped it down first slowly and then earnestly even hungrily though he would never admit it.
Samarth, That's what he was called. He never did understand why?
When he became a writer and then a journalist and then a novelist he had now forgotten. The problem was that he, Samarth, had started losing the understanding or the need to be anything anymore.
"Oh shit!" his reverie broken by the sudden buzz of the mobile on his desk. He stared at it. Sweat had broken out on his brow. He had been jumpy lately. Why? Lack of food, sleep...
He wasnt going to check the SMS. What was the point? He wouldnt be able to respond in anyway.
He looked back at his screen at the empty page and recalled how he had taken apart every bit of his novel which could have got him a way to manage his life.
He had been unsuccessful and He didnt want to change it. He didnt mind. He never could ever be better than people around him and some years back he had withdrawn and later realised that he had to quit kidding himself. He had wasted his body and he was now in the process of complete destruction. He had isolated himself. Moved away...
He turned and saw his reflection in the window. He saw a heavily bearded defeated and gaunt face. Involuntarily he touched his face. The hand was trembling. He tried to control it but the tremors of his hand continued.
Only one word came to his head... Wasted!!!
He blinked at the reflection.
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Whew! Some character this wasted writer. If only I can act it out now thought Samarth and to top it all he and I share a name.